Why does someone who claims to love me routinely try to poison me with expired dairy products? For someone so knowledgeable...Carolyn once tried to convince me that unopened whipping cream that expired in August could be used because it did not smell and had only been opened recently. When did this take place? Thanksgiving a couple of years ago. Me and Kev know differently though. We learned the hard way that "no smell" can indicate spoilage past the point of the tell-tale smelly soured sign. And I can still taste that nastiness on my tongue. Kevin really had a hard time believing whipped cream could be the stuff of merriment for children of all ages for a very long time. I got over my fear of whipping cream all too quickly.
Then there was the time that her daughter, Alli, who was 8 when this next episode happened, sat down with me to enjoy together our bowls of cereal one morning when Carolyn was in the hospital. She had her sugar coated crunchy, puffy fluff and I had the expensive granola from some family owned grain mill snuggled up in the hinterlands of some Utah mountain. Alli and I simultaneously took that first bite together. Right as the granola rolled around enough to let me get my gagging reflex to completely take over, Alli beat me to the verbal observation and said "This milk taste funny". I said, "Ya think?" as I hauled to the sink to scrape the grit and chunky milk out of my mouth. I then had to explained her mother was trying to kill me.
I have made it a practice to check the dairy any time I get ready to cook in the Edmond kitchen and if Carolyn is around, the fur flies. But I win and pitch anything questionable. Just ask her sister, Cathy.
However, I think Carolyn has moved on from dairy and on to any food items normally and wisely found store at proper temperatures in the refrigerator. She asked Kenny just last December "Do you think it's any good?" as she held up an unopened package of bacon that she discovered under something in the pantry. She was not real sure how many days it had been there...When Kenny was able to speak again, he told her 'NO!"...and then she attempted to reason with him because bacon is cured...and surely that counted for something....
Since we did not end up with food poisoning....you can conclude that Kenny overpowered Carolyn and pried the unopened pork out of her hands and properly disposed of the pig.
HMMMMM......maybe she is trying to tell me something????When it comes to Carolyn, I often describe myself as a "stray cat she fed at the back door once".....Oh dear, the insecurity is setting in already.
Then there was the time that her daughter, Alli, who was 8 when this next episode happened, sat down with me to enjoy together our bowls of cereal one morning when Carolyn was in the hospital. She had her sugar coated crunchy, puffy fluff and I had the expensive granola from some family owned grain mill snuggled up in the hinterlands of some Utah mountain. Alli and I simultaneously took that first bite together. Right as the granola rolled around enough to let me get my gagging reflex to completely take over, Alli beat me to the verbal observation and said "This milk taste funny". I said, "Ya think?" as I hauled to the sink to scrape the grit and chunky milk out of my mouth. I then had to explained her mother was trying to kill me.
I have made it a practice to check the dairy any time I get ready to cook in the Edmond kitchen and if Carolyn is around, the fur flies. But I win and pitch anything questionable. Just ask her sister, Cathy.
However, I think Carolyn has moved on from dairy and on to any food items normally and wisely found store at proper temperatures in the refrigerator. She asked Kenny just last December "Do you think it's any good?" as she held up an unopened package of bacon that she discovered under something in the pantry. She was not real sure how many days it had been there...When Kenny was able to speak again, he told her 'NO!"...and then she attempted to reason with him because bacon is cured...and surely that counted for something....
Since we did not end up with food poisoning....you can conclude that Kenny overpowered Carolyn and pried the unopened pork out of her hands and properly disposed of the pig.
HMMMMM......maybe she is trying to tell me something????When it comes to Carolyn, I often describe myself as a "stray cat she fed at the back door once".....Oh dear, the insecurity is setting in already.
HAHAHAHA, I love it!! Hmm, maybe mom really is trying to make it so that stray cat quits coming back for more. :) It's ok though, that stray cat can come to my back door now!
ReplyDeleteI hope you realize you've just unleashed the monster. . . I'd be worried about what dirt mom is going to post on you now! I can't wait for this!!
You crack me up, and I love you so much LeLe!
Good. Because I may need to use you as a human shield.
ReplyDeleteWay too funny! If you get a response post, I want to read it...how can I get to it? The way I figure it though, if she'd really wanted you gone, Carolyn would have found another way to do it by now, and really, you're just getting the same as the rest of the family, right? Besides that, you had your chance to get even, just think of all that spoiled beef you could have fed her.
ReplyDeleteI'll forward you her response....did you send me the invite to your blog? I keep looking for it...was it on that email? I also sent you an email with an attachment...did you get it by any chance? I keep thinking some pigeons have pooped on the wires right when I sent it over to you...
ReplyDeleteUmm hello I have been a major victim of mothers lack of acknowledging expiration dates. Having a very sensitive smellers and a keen sense of taste, I have come to the protocal of having Alli taste test any dairy before I proceed. Not to mention the fact that I never eat leftovers anymore because who knows if they've been in there a day or a month!
ReplyDeletelauren can't talk. she gave us all food poisoning trying to make us spaghetti with meat sauce.
ReplyDeleteOk, I just read this. Thanks for tipping me off...all my disowned children. For the record...I asked the bacon question...but I threw the bacon away. Not Kenny. (it got put in the pantry and not the fridge ON ACCIDENT) AND...just because the milk is in the fridge doesn't mean that I smell or look at the date... that is the users resonsibility.... dorks! AND...I have never used a bulging can, or cloudy bottles. I WILL admit that it pains me to throw things away...including the dry milk that I mixed up last week to try different types...it got added to the regular milk. (Surprise family!) Its a good thing I move. Things I still have from HEB are now officially 3 years old. We won't even talk about the things from the UK...
ReplyDeleteAND, how dare you put that cute smiley photo up there while dogging me? I have now officially resigned from cooking while you whiners are here. Now, when you send the boys up with all their lotions, toothpaste and snacks....might as well send the groceries and someone to cook them!
FYI...this wasn't even listed in the upcoming topics section.
ReplyDeleteWow - do you think she was a little defensive about this post? You guys are all in real trouble! But, I must chime in here that Car does have a real problem with expiration dates. When I was there for one of the two surgeries, she told one of the girls that the cut up chicken in the bag was okay. They brought it to me and asked me what I thought. As I held the bag in my hand and it was cloudy and kind of milky, I made the executive decision to pitch it!
ReplyDeleteOh Carolyn - we love you. I have your back and will always check the expiration dates for you. Please don't disown me or quit cooking for me - I love it. Just one little bad habit isn't so bad.